"And all they know of hate/ is that it couldn't beat the love out of me"

-Andrea Gibson, Ashes

This is a post about star-whales.  The sliding scale of idealism versus cynicism is a huge topic (as in, existentialist authors have written quite a bit on it in order to understand the meaning of existence), but this is going to be my attempt to cover this part of it.

What is a star-whale?

Technically, this.  I think it's cute.

The star whale is a character in Doctor Who.  But there are a lot of star whales.  Basically, you know one when you see one.  Sometimes you're not quite sure, but you get this "ooh, I think that's a star whale!" feeling.  It's kind of like gaydar.

Amy: Amazing, though, don't you think. The star whale. All that pain and misery and loneliness, and it just made it kind

Doctor: But you couldn't have known how it would react.

Amy: I didn't. But I've seen it before. Very old and very kind and the very, very last. Sound a bit familiar?

"And it just made it kind" = star whale.  D'ya ken?

Now that sounds nice, you say.  The fewer sociopaths in the world, the better.  Unfortunately, this means you have a relentless idealist on your hands.  Pause for a moment and think- all that pain and misery and loneliness made it kind?  What sane person responds like that?  Wouldn't they get trampled over by those less concerned with their idealism?

Why yes, in fact, they do.  The star whale is tortured for a couple hundred years and almost made into a vegetable to serve others purposes.  You see, earth that was (sorry, Firefly reference, can't help myself) was burning, and the citizens of the UK were having trouble finding transport.  Like a miracle, the star whale appeared and they captured it.

"'What's that?'  'Well, like I say, depends on the angle. It's either the exposed pain centre of big fella's brain, being tortured relentlessly...'  'Or?'  'Or it's the gas pedal, the accelerator - Starship UK's go-faster button.'"

Thing is though, star whale.  Lonely because it is the last of its kind.  Old, kind, alone- it "couldn't bear to see children cry" as their planet was destroyed.  And so it swooped in and left itself wide open to attack.  Amy sees this, frees the creature, and miraculously enough it keeps going because, well, this was what it wanted to do in the first place, save people.  'Cept no one could even conceive of that before.  This is why someone snidely saying "Harry Potter should have been a sociopath" annoys me a bit more than it should.  Why do I still even remember that?  I thought I didn't hold grudges.  Oy vey.

In Doctor Who, the death of Jenny, the Doctor's daughter, is a good exploration of idealism.  The Doctor is a pacifist; once upon a time he had to do quite a bit of killing, and he tells Jenny "the killing, after a while, it infects you" and "there is always a choice".  She chooses not to kill someone shooting at her.  Later in the episode, this person kills her.  The Doctor laments "she was too much like me".  But when he grabs the gun that killed her from her murderer he tosses it to the ground and says "I never would.  You got that?  I never would!".

I find this brand of wide eyed idealism impressive.

The Eleventh Doctor continues this trend.  Complicated episode, but basically a random handful of people has to be, as the Doctor urges, the "best of humanity" when making contact with another species.  One of the humans kills one of the other species.  The species was gearing up for war anyway, but there were opportunities for peace before the murder.  This murder leads to the death of Rory, Amy's husband (both are companions of the Doctor).  At the end, the Doctor tells the woman (after saving her life though he certainly could have left her to be killed by the sister of the creature she murdered) "An eye for an eye.  It was never the way.  Now you show your son how wrong you were."

This is pretty much how I see it.  Keep on keeping on, my shiny idealists and "it is better to do the wrong thing for the right reasons than the right thing for the wrong reasons" people.  And why I think socialism doesn't work.  It would be neat if everyone were up for it though.  (though don't get me wrong, I like me a little socialism and because I am an idealist I would love for it to be more feasible over time- a Star Trek sort of world, Gene Rodenberry brand futuristic idealism)

Is the character a fool or a hero?

Yes.

So, summary for the feasibility of idealism, mostly in Doctor Who.  An idealist can survive with a no second chances code, which allows them to keep the ideals intact.  There is nearly always a third way, and that is a good thing to stick to.  By being an idealist you may leave yourself open to being a star whale, but the moral lesson can still be intact.  Say, you are crucified... now you know how that one ends.  Agape.  Foolish, yes.  Heroic, yes.  Suffering?  Terrible, but ok as a personal decision.  A quixotic crusader sets out knowing the consequences of idealism, and is therefore not an immature wide-eyed idealist.

Challenges to idealism?  When the anti-hero is far more practical than the third way ideal.   Basically, when the harm does not come to you but to other people or when you fashion others into weapons for a cause.  Also, there is the annoying idealist argument- "The Doctor.  How sanctimonious is that?  The man that makes people better".

This excerpt on Gandhi (link to source) is a good real world example of harm coming to other people:

"But wasn’t Gandhi’s nonviolent action designed to avoid violence? Yes and no. Gandhi steadfastly avoided violence toward his opponents. He did not avoid violence toward himself or his followers.

Gandhi said that the nonviolent activist, like any soldier, had to be ready to die for the cause. And in fact, during India’s struggle for independence, hundreds of Indians were killed by the British.

The difference was that the nonviolent activist, while willing to die, was never willing to kill.

Gandhi pointed out three possible responses to oppression and injustice. One he described as the coward’s way: to accept the wrong or run away from it. The second option was to stand and fight by force of arms. Gandhi said this was better than acceptance or running away.

But the third way, he said, was best of all and required the most courage: to stand and fight solely by nonviolent means."

Idealism does come at a price.  I mean, you could not ask people to come.  The Doctor gets tired of losing people and pushes them away, but he does need them.  You can also try to protect people while holding your ground.  Basically, it is in the 3 responses Gandhi talked about.  If you are going to choose the third way and stand your ground and be that good person, you have to face the consequences of an uncaring world.  

The next post will be about the episode "Midnight", because that was an interesting attack on idealism that created a star whale.

"Perhaps a man only enjoys trouble when there's nothing else left"

"There are...flashes of darkness to the character.  There's a lot of lulling an audience into him being a lovely kind of interesting, fascinating character, and then you actually see what the moral line is."

I'll try to stop with the videos soon.  They are just neat.

So, I've had a week.

And knowing that David Tennant also has a fascination with the ood tickles me.  Are you having a week? 

"You've got to touch an ood head"

Also, the timey-wimey detector.  It goes ding when there's stuff.

I will write meaningful things later. Ta!

Say hello to the universe

 Wonder- to be filled with admiration, amazement, or awe; marvel

Awe- an overwhelming feeling of reverence, admiration, fear, etc., produced by that which is grand, sublime, extremely powerful, or the like

I like the inclusion of the word fear- because when I am truly overwhelmed by something I feel that thrill of adrenaline, which can be fear.  Something so massive, so mind-blowing and beyond comprehension has to inspire some fear, because you don't have any control over something like that.  You just have to stop and stare at it, admiring the way the universe works.   

I am a dreamer, an idealist, always fanciful and proud of it.  Here are a ridiculous number of Doctor Who images to get my point across.

"Anywhere you want, any time you want.  One condition- it has to be amazing."

“I don’t know what you are, the two of you, or where you’re from. But I know that you consort with stars and magic and think it fun.  But your world is steeped in terror and blasphemy and death and I will not allow it!  You will leave these shores.  And you will reflect, I hope, on how you came to stray so far from all that is good.  And how much longer you may survive this terrible life.”

I want to believe.  I want to believe in love and kindness and compassion.  I want to believe in the fantastic, the surreal, the sublime.  In our ability to reason, and the existence of things far beyond my ability to imagine.  I want to believe that we can survive together, and that will and empathy and hope are indomitable.  I refuse to "grow up" and not be completely awestruck by life and the beauty of existence.

By the way, I quite like our beautiful "pale blue dot"(Carl Sagan).  I have pictures from this summer- ooh I will make another collage, just for kicks.

Amor, Amicitia, Dilectatio

So Latin has these levels of love: cupiditas (lust), amor (romantic love), amicitia (friendship),and dilectatio (you care so much for the other person that you would give your life for them- implies sacrifice, the love isn't just about the way the other person makes You feel).  In case you wanted to know, this is a concept which Cicero articulated (particularly in his work De Amicitia, which is quite nice).

In science fiction I have always envied the ability to create these chosen families.  Deep, meaningful relationships where they can get through anything.  Because no one wants to go it alone, and who wouldn't want to be surrounded by people who care about and respect them?  I'm going to focus on the amor, amicitia, dilectatio, and the combinations thereof.

Star Trek:

Cutest awkward moment ever.

"But, now, the thing is, for the longest time, whenever anyone would use my name, the first thing I would think of was what it meant, 'nothing'. What better way to describe me? I had no family, no friends, no place where I belonged. I thought it was the most appropriate name anyone could give me. And then I met you... 

[long pause]
...And the others - Sisko, Dax, even Quark. And now, when I hear one of you call me Odo, I no longer think of myself as nothing. I think of myself as me."

Spock: [on the death of his half-brother, Sybok]  I've lost a brother.

Kirk: [speaking about Spock] Yes.  I lost a brother once.  I was lucky I got him back.

McCoy: I thought you said men like us don't have families

Kirk: I was wrong.

Kirk: I've always known I'll die alone.
...
Kirk: I thought I was going to die.
Spock: Not possible.  You were never alone.

[Spock's dying words to Kirk]
"The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few, or the one.
...
I have been... and always shall be... your friend. Live long... and prosper."

Spock: You came back for me.
Kirk: You would have done the same for me.
Spock: Why would you do this? [Spock has amnesia]
Kirk: Because sometimes the needs of the one... outweigh the needs of the many.

Doctor Who is going to be a montage of videos.  I encourage y'all to watch, because they are touching and I couldn't really do this with words. 

Amicitia (Don't want to do it alone):

 

[The Doctor, to Donna] "You saved my life, in so many ways"

Dilectatio:

Particularly interesting if you know how being loved changed the Doctor.
Oh, I'm such a sap (don't tell anyone!).

Best example: the Doctor gives up Rose to live with the human Doctor because he loves her.

I can't recreate that scene and what it meant in a sentence, but everyone who knows what I am talking about will recognize what kind of a sacrifice that was.

And, of course, Mulder and Scully.  That relationship had a ton of screen time (7 seasons + 2 movies, over 20 episodes/season, a little under an hour per episode) to develop and hit some serious dilectatio.  I'd like to get around to re-watching "The X-Files" because I love the themes in that show.  Oh, spooky Mulder.  Actually, I've noticed this thing with my characters- that is, I seem to pick the same character every time.  But that should be a different post.  I'm just getting all nostalgic.  

 

Berserk Button

see: Berserk Button

Doctor Who:

“The very powerful and the very stupid have one thing in common. Instead of altering their views to fit the facts, they alter the facts to fit their views...which can be very uncomfortable if you happen to be one of the facts that needs altering.”

I don't do anger well.  When I get angry, maybe once or twice a year, I am flabbergasted by the feeling and think "Man, do people feel like this a lot?  How strange!".  I am a pacifist and violence just makes me sad.

But everyone has their berserk button.  Tell someone that they are less than human, don't know their place, need to be fixed with a good beating, that they should sit down and shut up if they know what's good for them- oooh don't you dare.  I will create a clever scheme, and you will be splayed out on the floor wondering how you got there.  'Specially if you are trying to intimidate children.  That's not gonna fly, and I'm gonna call you out in a way that is public and humiliating.

Let me give you an example from my childhood.  Second grade.  My friend Rachel wanted to play basketball.  She was good at it, and that made sense to me.  She approached the group of boys getting ready to play.  Ringleader little boy says: "You're a girl.  Girls can't play sports.", gives her one of those up-down-up looks and sneers.  I swear, he had a well-developed sneer for a kid his age.  Poor kid.  Before he knew it (and, well, before I knew it) he had been whipped across the face by my plastic ponytail holders.  I had some pretty long hair then.  

Like this, but bigger

Now, by the second grade I had certainly had enough of people telling me my place.  It has to do with a cult.  Long story.  All of the sudden I started screaming, and I didn't give a damn if those boys decided to respond with violence.  I mean, they could totally have taken me out but I wasn't big on the self-preservation in that moment.  Ringleader backed away, freaked out.  The other little boys saw it, and with Ringleader deposed Rachel was in. 

Back to the science fiction.

Star Trek:

"'What right do you have to punish us? What right do you have to change us? What makes you think you can dictate how people love each other?'

'I congratulate you, Soren. Your decision to admit your perversion makes it much more likely that we can help you.'"

"'Did it occur to you that she might like to stay the way she is?'  'No, you don't understand. We have a very high success rate in treating deviants like this, and, without exception, they become happier people after their treatment, and grateful - that we care enough to cure them. You see, Commander, on this world, everyone *wants* to be normal.'  'She is!'"

"'I was sick... it was wrong.  I see that now.'  'Soren ...I love you.'  'I'm sorry.'"

[after being told to stay home during a photo shoot because he is African-American]

"'It's just a photo'  'I'll try to remember that.'"

"'It's not personal, Benny, but as far as our readers are concerned, Benny Russell is as white as they are. Let's just keep it that way.'  'Oh yes. If the world is not ready for a woman writer, imagine what would happen if it learned about a Negro with a typewriter. "Run for the hills! It's the end of civilization!"'"

"'This magazine belongs to Mr. Stone. If he doesn't want to publish this month, we don't publish this month. End of story!'  'That doesn't make it right, and you know it!'  'Don't tell me what I know! Besides, it's not about what's right, it's about what *is*.'"

"I am a Human being, dammit! You can deny me all you want but you cannot deny Ben Sisko. He exists. That future, that space station, all those people, they exist in here, in my mind. ...You can pulp a story, but you cannot destroy an idea!"

"'Tell me please, who am I?'  'Don't you know?'  'Tell me.'  'You are the dreamer... and the dream.'"

Harry Potter:

"'Yes?'  [hesitates and looks at his scarred hand] 'Nothing.'  ''That's right. Because deep down you know that you deserve to be punished. Don't you, Mr. Potter?'"

Some related "The Handmaid's Tale":

"Are they old enough to remember anything of the time before, playing baseball, in jeans and sneakers, riding their bicycles? Reading books, all by themselves? even though some of them are no more than fourteen-Start them soon is the policy, there's not a moment to be lost-still they'll remember. And the ones after them will, for three or four or five years; but after that they won't. They'll always have been in white, in groups of girls; they'll always have been silent."

"Dear God, I think, I will do anything you like. Now that you've let me off, I'll obliterate myself, if that's what you really want; I'll empty myself, truly, become a chalice. I'll give up Nick, I'll forget about the others. I'll stop complaining. I'll accept my lot. I'll sacrifice. I'll repent. I'll abdicate. I'll renounce.
I know this can't be right but I think it anyway. Everything they taught at the Red Center, everything I've resisted, comes flooding in. I don't want pain. I don't want to be a dancer, my feet in the air, my head a faceless oblong of white cloth. I don't want to be a doll hung up on the Wall. I don't want to be a wingless angel. I want to keep on living, in any form. I resign my body freely, to uses of others. They can do what they like with me. I am abject.
I feel, for the first time, their true power."

"I'm nobody's slave!"  I can say that, and doesn't it sound grand.  Drawing the line, making a stand.  But I can do this only because I am so privileged.  I got out, but not everybody does.  I watch and it makes me angry, it burns me up and I want throw myself at it with every bit of willpower I have.  I know their faces and their names, I watched them growing up and it still bothers me.

You know what bothers me the most?  It's like Margaret Atwood said, with how they forget.  Or like in 'The Outsider', when Soren was "treated" (see above).  The angry ones I know will survive.  But it's the ones who give up that scare me.  All of the fight has gone out of them, and they can't do it anymore.  It's a terrible thing to see a broken person.  It's a terrible thing to know someone and know they are simply waiting to die.

*note to readers: Why do I write dark, angsty things that most people might rather not read?  Because when I don't speak up it has been my experience that there are people who would've appreciated it.  I'm not going to waste any time being a coward if there is the off chance I can make someone feel less alone.  I figure, don't read it if it is not your cuppa tea and save me some embarrassment anyway.

It's the simple things

My favorite episodes are always the simple and touching ones.  They may mostly take place in one room, but the acting and the simple elegance of the story pull you in.

Because I am on my Doctor Who kick (eventually I will post about the other great science fiction loves in my life), I am going to go with some of my personal favorites.

Now, I love big thrilling episodes with casts in the hundreds and tons of scary monsters.  "Journey's End", "The End of Time", "The Satan Pit", and "Doomsday" are brilliant.  I also love my medium-fancy episodes with a couple of nice sets. "The Doctor's Daughter", "The Girl in the Fireplace", "42", and "Planet of the Ood" are just, well, lets just say I still talk to the screen when I watch the story unravel.

But back to my point.  I adore a good simple story.  The ones where there are very few special effects or sets, and you hang on to every word and expression to bring you in.

"I know what it's like to travel a long way on your own.
I sympathize, that's all."

I just re-watched "Fear Her", and I'm surprised that I forgot about this one.  The basic premise is: little girl is possessed by a lonely alien child, little girl draws pictures of people to put them in the lonely alien child's world, and in the Crowning Moment of Heartwarming what carries the alien child back out into space to find its brothers and sisters is warmth and love.  Sounds cheesy, you say.

But it's really very beautiful.  And here's why.

Little human girl, Chloe, is taken by the alien child because it sees something familiar in her.  They are both lonely and frightened.  Chloe was abused by her father who died over a year ago.  Mum doesn't like to talk about it because she is afraid of confronting the reality herself.  She wants to keep busy, to move on and never look back.  Normal, happy, nice.  The alien child is used to an empathic connection with four billion brothers and sisters, but suddenly she is separated from them in the vastness of space.  Chloe is drawing all on her own, looking out at life from her window, isolated and confused, and alien child floats in.  Little alien child loves Chloe, and the only monsters are the ones Chloe creates from the darkness in her mind (this is a theme in Doctor Who).

Chloe is entranced upon meeting little alien child.

The Big Bad is Chloe's father.  He is a drawing that can come to life, powered by the intensity of Chloe's fear.

Rose tells Chloe he is not real.  That Chloe can stop him.  Chloe hesitates, then says: "I can't!".  In her mind he can never be dead; she still sees him in every corner and every shadow and she is waiting, dreading the next time he will hurt her.  We see her father as she saw him, and in the face of something so terrifying she cannot believe that she is not helpless.  Still looking back at the stairs her father is coming down, she reaches her hand out behind her and shouts "Mommy!".  Her mother, pounding the door and frantically turning the handle, only sees the man on the stairs.  Chloe keeps saying "I can't, I can't", huddles to the ground, and waits for the inevitable.  She says her mother's name one more time, the fear almost keeping her from being able to speak.

"Chloeee.  I'm coming to GET YOU."

Her mom glances down to see her child on the floor and she immediately drops to the ground and holds her, saying "You're not alone.  You'll never be alone again.".  She loves her daughter more than she fears her husband.  They just sit and wait, taking a stand, and start singing "Kookaburra" together.  Yeah, ridiculous song.  That's why it's so powerful.  It's nonsensical, and it takes the power out of the fear.  Big scary demon, and they laughed at it.  And it went away, because the only hold it had over them was fear.

Did you ever sing when you were really, really afraid?  Sometimes there's nothing else you can do except close your eyes and sing or say a little prayer.  It's like, you can't just try to push the fear away anymore and somehow you have to make it go away.  Even if facing it could bring something terrible to bear you just can't stand being that afraid any longer, and nothing could possibly be as bad as the fear.  Nothing someone could do to you could be that bad, if you get to that point.

You can collapse inside yourself, and be sad and lonely and horribly afraid.  Or you can ride out and meet it, think of something silly and happy, bright and shiny in your head.  Then darkness and the fear isn't all there is, and whatever happens you know that there are good things, better things.

In fact, if your mum holds your hand what once frightened you could scatter into a million pieces, and when you next see it maybe you can't remember why it was so terrifying in the first place.  It's only a shadow, and because you are holding on to a song you know very well what light does to shadows.

It's simple, and it's pretty, and when it nicely wraps up in the end at least part of you knows it's true.

Of course, the Doctor and Rose are adorable in this one.  This is the final episode before Rose is lost, and part of it is about the Doctor, and how loneliness can affect someone.

"We’re not dealing with something that wants to conquer or destroy. 

There’s a lot of things you need to get across this universe. 

...You know the thing you need most of all? You need a hand to hold."

Some related Carl Sagan for ya:
"For small creatures such as we the vastness is bearable only through love."

I'll do recaps for my other favorite simple episodes, "Midnight" and "The Beast Below".

You know what it is about these episodes for me?  They take me off guard, because they are little stories about the power of love.  Simple compassion. Small glances and words and gestures you don't brace yourself for, because you can't realize the magnitude until suddenly you know what it means.  And evil that is truly disturbing because you know it is real.  The best and the worst of us.

It's a truth that can only be told through fantastic stories and images, because the facts just don't cover it and this is the only way someone else can see it.

Tim O'Brien said it best:
"A lie, sometimes, can be truer than the truth, which is why fiction gets written."

"I want you to feel what I felt. I want you to know why story-truth is truer sometimes than happening-truth."

That's why this is important.  You can hear about things but not see them, and you can see the raw truth and still not understand.  To recreate that utter chaos and throw it at the world, to force them to react you need fiction.

Oh, Ten.

Because the ood song brought this up, I am going to wade through the death of Ten.  There is no special heading for this cluster of quotes, except perhaps "depressing, painful to watch but extremely meaningful death of my favorite character/hero/role model ever".  If you haven't seen this before my angsting will seem silly to you, so you might want to skip to the next post.  Also, this doesn't nearly justify the complexity of this sequence.  Moving on.

"Journey's End":  Everyone who ever mattered has come together.  The Song of Freedom plays triumphantly while the Doctor and every one he cares about fly Earth back home using the TARDIS.  It is the first time the Doctor has a family, particularly since being an instrument of the necessary genocide of his species.  Yeah, that's gonna last.  About three minutes.

"You know why this TARDIS is always rattling about the place?  It was designated to have six pilots and I have to do it single-handed."

"You know, you act like such a lonely man, but you have the biggest family on Earth."

Oh yeah, uh, then everybody leaves/has to leave and Ten subsequently becomes unhinged and tries to control space and time so he doesn't have to watch more people die.  But first this:

"'Oh, Doctor... what about you now? Who've you got? I mean... all those friends of yours...'  'They've all got someone else. Still, that's fine. I'm fine.'  'I'll watch out for you, sir ...every night, Doctor... when it gets dark, and the stars come out, I'll look up... on her behalf. I'll look up at the sky... and think of you.'  'Thank you.'"

The Doctor shuffles away into the TARDIS.  It is Big.  It is empty. Suddenly, privately, the Heroic Blue Screen of Death is witnessed.  Yikes.

Oh, Wilfred.  What a kind old man.  Lookin' out for him in the sky.  The Doctor said he would be proud if Wilf was his dad.   Except, wait for it- Wilf ends up being the instrument of his death!

Of course, the whole two-parter "The End of Time" is fantastic, but I'm going to stick to the cafe scene [he realizes he became unhinged (see "The Waters of Mars") and is incredibly lonely] and the regeneration. 

Don't blink, you'll miss it- I think his guard just slipped.

"-Merry Christmas! [laughs] Look at us."
I really like that line.  Can't really peg why.  Maybe it is that line between laughing and crying.

So, moving on, the doctor wins the day relatively unscathed.  Though it is debatable whether the woman he saw and gave the expression below before sending her back into oblivion with the rest of the corrupt Time Lords was his mother, or, hey his wife?  We will never know.  Damn you Russell T Davies.  Nah, just kidding, I love you.  All I know is during this part the familiar "Doomsday" music came on.

Oh man!  It's all over!  He survived!

But wait.

What is that soft knocking noise?  Hmm, Wilf in the operating booth because he let the other guy out... and the nuclear device is still active.  Oh dear.

And now, back to our regularly scheduled script quoting.

Wilfred Mott: [stuck in the chamber] I'm sorry. Look, just leave me.
The Doctor: [smiles] Okay, right then, I will.
[bitter]
The Doctor: 'Cause you had to go in there, didn't you? You had to go in there and get stuck, oh yes. 'Cause that's who you are, Wilfred. You were always this, waiting for me, all this time.
Wilfred Mott: No, really, just leave me. I'm an old man, Doctor. I've had my time.
The Doctor: Well, exactly, look at you, not remotely important. But me... I could do so much more.
[raging]
The Doctor: So much more!
[quietly]
The Doctor: But this is what I get. My reward.
[angrily sweeping desk clear]
The Doctor: But it's not fair!
[finally looks at Wilf, to himself]
The Doctor: Ohhh... I've lived too long.
[starts walking towards the chamber]
Wilfred Mott: No. No, no, please, please don't. No, don't, don't, please don't... please!
The Doctor: [gently] Wilfred, it's my honor.
[briskly]
The Doctor: Better be quick... three... two... one.

And then, in a glass box scene more than worthy of Spock's death-by-radiation in "Wrath of Khan", the Doctor gets blasted with radiation, sinks to the ground, and silently curls up into a ball on the floor.  Then the door opens, he steps out, and thus begins the willful prolonging of regeneration.

He "gets his reward" by saving a few friends from early deaths and sets up a couple more financially and romantically.  I liked Jack/Alonso; poor guy just lost Ianto and went a bit beserk too.  But that's Doctor Who spinoffs, and we're not getting into those.

Finally, he visits Rose before she met him.  Rose, who saved him from himself.  I loved her character.  That makes me sound even more obsessive, doesn't it?  But he can't put off regeneration any longer, and he begins to make his way back to the TARDIS.  When he stumbles in the snow, Ood Sigma appears and the ood are all singing for him to show him he is not entirely alone.

The TARDIS is, again, quiet and empty, and we hear Ten's breathing accelerate as he starts to freak out.

Ten's final words on screen before he regenerates? A sad, longing, panicked:

"I don't want to go!"

But he still pretty much keeps his cool.  Because ten is the "I'm always alright" guy.

Now excuse me while I curl up into a corner and die.

But not before, like the dork I am, I put up a couple of tribute videos:

My favorite, it captures him well

Super neat, fast paced (includes 9, 10, 11)

Don't watch this one. Don't do it unless you are a huge fan and you feel a powerful need to cry. Seriously, this one's kinda grim.
               Why, oh why did you do that?  Recover with this one.
               And don't you dare think of revisiting the videos where he has to leave Rose.
               Take a break.

The Song of the Ood

 
Cum tacent clament. Serva me, servato te

"While we are silent, we are screaming. Save me and I will save you."

Dum inter homines, sumus colamus humanita (cum tacent clament)

"When amongst humans, we should be humane."

Ood Song makes me emotional.  I never get emotional.  Ok, that's a lie, I am a very emotional person.  But I don't even tear up at the end of "The Notebook".   I'm just reserved I suppose.  Ah, shut up.  Anyway, the point is I find ood song very moving.

The ood are a race that hold their telepathic exterior brains in their hands.  They are rather frightening looking off the bat.  In fact, when they are introduced they are possessed by what is presumed to be Satan.

But it isn't their fault!  In fact, the ood are nearly defenseless creatures, which is why they are so easily taken advantage of.  They endure a few centuries of slavery and lobotomization at human hands; this changes what it means to be an ood, and their special connective powers to one another are curtailed in order to force them to use human speech rather than telepathy.

Ood packed into one of many shipping crates, ready to be sold.

Frightened baby ood singing the song of captivity
while they still have their brains intact.

Patiently and carefully, enduring mockery and debasement, the Ood wait to gather resistance and efficiently free themselves from enslavement together.  Ultimately, they turn the man in charge of their enslavement into an ood and take care of him as one of their own.

They create an advanced civilization (a snow world! To say I love snow is an understatement...) and can mentally gather images of future events.  They are eerily knowing and wise.  They depend on their fragile mental connections with one another to create a beautiful, strong society filled with the sound of music.  The Latin at the beginning of this post is a bit of ood song.

Finally, they know that when ten regenerates/dies he is all alone and it is hard and frightening for him.  So they all sing for him.  Actually, how about I just create a post for ten's regeneration?

The Song of Captivity changes to the Song of Freedom around the 1:20 mark.  If you have seen the series, I know you will get misty-eyed.

"Thought looks into the pit of hell and is not afraid"

 Bertrand Russell:
"Men fear thought as they fear nothing else on earth, more than ruin, more even than death... Thought is subversive and revolutionary, destructive and terrible, thought is merciless to privilege, established institutions, and comfortable habit.  Thought looks into the pit of hell and is not afraid.  Thought is great and swift and free, the light of the world, and the chief glory of man."

The Doctor descends into the Pit of Hell, quite literally.

The Matrix:
"You take the blue pill- the story ends and you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe.  You take the red pill- you stay in Wonderland and I show you how deep the rabbit-hole goes."

Betcha thought there was a spoon.  You're wrong.  There is no spoon.

Sherlock Holmes(also in Star Trek, Doctor Who, and I think The X Files):
"Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth."

Doctor Who:
"[on Mr. Halpen] 'They... turned him into an Ood.'  'Yup.'  'He's an Ood.'  'I noticed.'
'It's weird, being with you, I can't tell what's right and what's wrong anymore.'  'It's better that way.  People who know for certain tend to be like Mr. Halpen [human that enslaved the ood].'"

The Doctor chats with The Devil and is not particularly impressed.

  

"'[The Beast] is playing on very basic fears.  Darkness, childhood, nightmares, all that sort of stuff.'  'But that's how the Devil works!'  'Or a good psychologist.'"

"'But if this is the original, does that make it real?  Does that make it the actual Devil?'  'Well, if that's what you want to believe.  Maybe that's what the Devil is in the end: an idea.'"


"the world is so much stranger than that.  It's so much darker.  And so much madder.  And so much better."

Walk around in their shoes for a bit

*"To Kill a Mockingbird". Who doesn't love Atticus?

So, technically, this post has no science fiction in it.  It was, however, inspired by a fictional character.

Carl Sagan:
"If a human disagrees with you, let him live. In a hundred billion galaxies you will not find another."

Ordinary People:
"Listen, be aware, kiddo.  People don't change on command from other people.  You oughta know that, having given her the ultimate command over a year ago."

Melissa Karnaze:
"Arguing has one objective- to control what someone thinks.  What they feel.  What they should do.  What they want.  What they need.  What's good for them.  You don't want others controlling you.  And you don't want to control others, that's lose-lose. ...Have an honest discussion about the real problem that needs to be fixed."

Edward R. Murrow
"Everyone is a prisoner of his own experiences.  No one can eliminate prejudices- just recognize them."

Martin Luther King, Jr:
"Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that.  Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that."

Serenity:
"I don't care what you believe in, just believe in it"

JLH:
"Having a personal opinion is great. Believing that one's personal opinion is the absolute truth leads to most of the world's troubles."

Elie Wiesel:
"The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference."

Ralph Waldo Emerson:
"People seem not to see that their opinion of the world is also a confession of character."

"Art is a lie which makes us realize the truth" -Picasso

This is not Picasso.  Now you think you're all clever, and you're like "Van Gogh!"
But No.
This is Doctor Who Graphics Artist.

Doctor Who:
"'Everywhere we look, the  complex magic of nature blazes before our eyes.'  'I've seen many things, my friend, but you're right: nothing quite as wonderful as the things you see.'"

"'It seems to me there's so much more to the world than the average eye is allowed to see.  I believe, if you look hard, there are more wonders in this universe than you could ever have dreamed of. ...Every time I step outside, I feel nature is shouting at me. "Come on. Come and get me. Come on. Come on!  Capture my mystery!"'  'Maybe you've had enough coffee now.'"

Carl Sagan:
"Imagination will carry us to worlds that never were.  But without it we go nowhere."

"These are the voyages of the starship Enterprise.
Its continuing mission: to explore strange new worlds..."

The Things They Carried:
"What seems to happen becomes its own  happening and has to be told that way. ...And then afterward, when you go to tell about it, there is always that surreal seemingness, which makes the story seem untrue, but which in fact represents the hard and exact truth as it seemed."

Einstein:
"The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and all science. He...who can no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe, is as good as dead: his eyes are closed."

This one's mine.

Rainer Marie Rilke:
"No one can advise or help you - no one. There is only one thing you should do. Go into yourself. Find out the reason that commands you to write; see whether it has spread its roots into the very depths of your heart; confess to yourself whether you would have to die if you were forbidden to write. This most of all: ask yourself in the most silent hour of your night: must I write? Dig into yourself for a deep answer. And if this answer rings out in assent, if you meet this solemn question with a strong, simple "I must", then build your life in accordance with this necessity"

"Surely all art is the result of one's having been in danger, of having gone through an experience all the way to the end, where no one can go any further."

I have been one acquainted with the night

*Robert Frost: Acquainted With the Night

see: Evil Me Scares Me and What the Hell, Hero?

Nietzsche:
"Battle not with monsters, lest ye become a monster.  And if you gaze into the abyss, the abyss gazes also into you."

The Lord of the Rings:
"'What a pity that Bilbo did not stab that vile creature, when he had a chance!'  'Pity?  It was Pity that stayed his hand. Pity, and Mercy: not to strike without need...Be sure that he took so little hurt from the evil, and escaped in the end, because he began his ownership of the Ring so.  With Pity.'"

"'Always after a defeat and a respite, the Shadow takes another shape and grows again.'  'I wish it need not have happened in my time'  'So do I, and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us.'"

"you begin to realize in your heart that there is no going back.  There are some hurts that go too deep, that have taken hold"

"'He deserves death!'  'Deserves it! I dare say he does. Many that live deserve death. And some that die deserve life. Can you give it to them? Then do not be too eager to deal out death in judgement. For even the very wise cannot see all the ends....'"

Harry Potter:
"'This connection between me and Voldemort… what if the reason for it is that I am becoming more like him? I just feel so angry, all the time. What if after everything that I’ve been through, something’s gone wrong inside me? What if I’m becoming bad?'
'I want you to listen to me very carefully, Harry. You’re not a bad person. You’re a very good person, who bad things have happened to. Besides, the world isn’t split into good people and Death Eaters. We’ve all got both light and dark inside us. What matters is the part we choose to act on. That’s who we really are.'"

Nice Awesome Anachronistic Apparel, Sirius.

Doctor Who:
"'What did you come here for, anyway?'  'I love old things.  They make me feel sad.'  'What's good about sad?'  'It's happy for deep people.'"

"'One little girl crying. So?'  'Crying silently. I mean, children cry cos they want attention, cos they're hurt or afraid. When they cry silently, it's cos they just can't stop. Any parent knows that.  Hundreds of parents walking past this spot and not one of them's asking her what's wrong, which means...they already know, and it's something they don't talk about. Secrets. They're not helping her, so it's something they're afraid of. Shadows - whatever they're afraid of - it's nowhere to be seen, which means it's everywhere.'"

"'You’ve seen it out there. It’s beautiful.'  'And it’s terrible. That place was flooding and burning and they were dying and you stood there like… I don’t know, a stranger. ...I mean, you scare me to death!'"

Classic "Evil Me Scares Me"

If you missed the optimism in this post, read the Potter quote again.  There is no absolute evil, the world is not death eaters (or orcs) and good people.  There are just people, and then there are choices.  Battle with monsters, and you may simply come out kinder (see the Star Whale, "Candle in the Dark" post).  "Wounds that run too deep, that will never heal"?  See: life is a pile of good and bad things, also in the "Candle in the Dark" post.  Want to run away?  Have at it, it can help if you need to lick your wounds.  See: "Guess it's time I run/ far, far away/ find comfort in pain".  Then see: Do you realize?.  Be sad when you are sad.  Be angry when you are angry.  And be happy when you are happy.

Imma stop my awful preachin' now.  Were I a preacher, I would totally be fired.  And not just because of the belief in God bit. (so snarky!)  Basically, I think people shouldn't obsess over "Evil Me Scares Me", because society is silly when it says "be happy all the time or something is wrong with you".